I’m not a Fighter
I don’t think of myself as a fighter – more like a nerdy, resourceful, resilient problem solver. Along with my general aversion to militaristic language in everyday speech, I really don’t like thinking about or… talking about cancer in terms of battling or fighting because that’s just not how I experience it. I don’t wake up every morning and prepare to fight cancer. Rather, I wake up every morning and prepare for my day, including how I’ll live with cancer and as much as possible, not allow it to govern my every move. I see it as my responsibility to understand this disease as much as a lay person can, and make choices that may help me in the day to day and the long term. What do I eat? How much sleep do I get? Which drugs do I take and on what schedule? What people do I surround myself with and how do I help myself to stay positive? I see those decisions about how I live with cancer as essential to my ultimate goal – which is of course to live cancer free very soon.
And yet – there IS a battle going on. The fight is happening on a molecular level and I only have the most basic understanding of what that microscopic battlefield involves. Because that’s not my battle or my fight. I can’t tell the chemo drugs how to work or where to go, or through force of my own will or strength make the cancer cells shrivel up and die. I trust that the researchers and doctors have figured that out to the best of anyone’s ability. My job is to set those drugs up for success and to live my life, and I do that through hundreds of small decisions every day. Maybe some consider those choices part of the grand battle, and maybe seeing it that way inspires them and helps them to stay motivated and positive. If that’s the case – then good! Keep thinking of it that way and I wish you victory in your battle.
For me – I think I’ll just keep trying to outwit cancer and whatever happens not allow it to own me. It’s working for me so far.